Men are so freakin’ selfish. It never cease to amaze me how they can completely eclipse a “real” problem with some bull…crap. Today I have had it. While the significant other is in Arizona (blazin’ out our new future) I have to hear him complain about well..everything.

Why can’t men be ..I don’t men. So he is there and low on money. No surprise there. But, he knows like I know I am here too. I am maintaining the house and all the kids (yours,mines and ours!!) he is taking care of his own damn self. But, I am suppose to break my neck to make sure he has some money in his pockets. I am all for taking care of my house but, when rations are low ain’t it the man that goes out and hunts for the rations...RIGHT. I played the good wifey role and “held it down” when he lost his job. I even put on my old, too-tight high-school cheer leading uniform and cheered for him kept up his self esteem and convinced him it was ok to leave Colorado to find work.

One of my eternal friends told me that I can sum it up with one statement. MEN ARE DUMMIES. That is so super true. Today it is true in a red neon flashing sign like in Vegas. Urghhh...Dude, I am super irritated. I will not take another “Whoa is me in Arizona call today.” NOT ANOTHER ONE.

The other day I was watching videos with my spousal unit. As I gazed at one mindless video after the other I realized I had not seen one single black girl. I don’t mean just dark skin I mean black or any variation there of. I couldn’t spot a bi-racial, multi-cultural nothing. I could not spot any other color than sprayed on cinnamon tans.

After my realization I turn to him and ask “They don’t put black girls in videos anymore? He replies “Yes, they do!!”
But, I could hear the puzzlement in his voice. “Ok” I say “Find one.” He stops and looks at the video for several seconds. “There’s one” he points to a cinnamon color video vixen dancing next to some rapper.. Young Joc..Young Jeezy..Young I Can’t Understand What the Hell You Are Saying. Anywoo…

“Nope, she’s not black just tan” I say with a little bite in my voice. He replies with this classic masterpiece of a comment “I GUESS BLACK GIRLS AREN’T IN ANYMORE”
STOP!!! THE PRESSES….NO ONE TOLD ME THAT BLACK GIRLS WEREN’T “IN’ ANYMORE. Ain’t that some shit.!!!

The really bad part about it is I think there is some truth to that twisted comment. I can remember growing up when"US" black girls came in out of style like bad 80’s clothing choices. You know fluorescent headbands... black girls... scrunchie socks..black girls..acid wash jeans.. black girls. We never were a long standing fad like Jheri Curls.
I am use to being showed up by the high yella’ sistas with the mysterious hair texture..not quite nappy... not quite straight(but they still need a relaxer for the "friz") . I am also at peace with those strange erotic beauties that in the 90’s and early 2000 all the “famous” brothers married and have since divorced. The women you knew they could never get unless they had a gazillion zeros following their last names.
You know the women that you could not quite nail down their nationality...and or ethnic background. I had become convinced there was an island somewhere in the Pacific where brothers went to “marry” these women and bring them back to the states. These women never talked and were happy to make TONS of babies. There were always listed as “models” when their history was revealed.

Ok. I lost track. Oh I remember now. But, now we aren’t in style anymore at all. I hate to say it but, much like those trends from the 80’s. We are left to sit in the corner waiting our turn. Waiting until some ugly ass rapper decides we are cute enough to back him up in a lame video wearing nothing but dental floss and heels while he is dressed in 5 layers of clothes, a goose down feather parka and timbos. Ain’t that a trip!!

God knew what he was doing when he made black folks. We are MAGNIFICENT in form. We are CRAZY BEAUTIFUL. Looking at a black man in the nude it’s hard to believe that Adam, himself created by God had anything on them (which is why I also believe they are no dang on good. Because, they are so dang on fine!!) Sorry got lost again. Apparently, they are also dumb as all get out. Black men are the ONLY men who think that black women aren’t the Queens of the Earth and beauty to behold!!! Ask any jaw gapping white man watching a sister walk down the street with her corporate suit hugging All the right places. Ask any Latino brother who loves to yell “Hey Mami” as we walk down the street.

So I encourage all the women..excuse me. I urge Black women to unite and fight back. Stop putting brothers in our videos, movies etc. Dude, if I was an artist now. My video would be packed with Latino and White men in speedos and timbos dancing wildly to my “dope beats”. Every photo layout we should use men from other “ethnic backgrounds” as well placed props. I encourage every single sister out there to go out and get you a little “Something New.” We thought were doing something when the yella brothers went out of style with Christopher Williams and DeBarge!! They ain’t seen nothing yet until we ban.. BAN them all.

Now just so I don't give the impression that all brothers support this sick idea of black sister being out. Check out my newest blog crush:http://alwaysfunkyfresh.wordpress.com/

He speaks on it too and shares some light from the black man's perspective.
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Now that my honey has left to forge a new life for us in blazing hot Arizona I am left to my own devices. I promised myself to make good use of the time. I have some definite goals I feel are necessary for me to accomplish prior to me joining him in Arizona. Changes in me that will allow me to transition to the new level of commitment and allow me to be the best me with a fresh start.

My goals are:

1. To spend more time with GOD. I want to be sure I am taking the necessary time to involve him and hear him in my decision making process.

2. Become a good steward of my money. I was impressed with the families that stuck to “Oprah’s Debt Diet” and decided to give it a try. We have already proven finances are NOT his forte so it’s on my shoulders to make it happen (capt’n…thought I would bring that back!!)

3.RETURN TO DOING YOGA!!!! I miss the yoga body and the bone straight posture.

4. Complete at least half of my “To Do List” and making it sure it is “Ta Done” by the time I pack up and head out.

5. Spend sometime with friends and family…before my farewell.

6. I have at least one fun get a way surprise weekend with the girls(semi vacation)

7. SERVE..SERVE..SERVE.. AND SERVE…in church

I was wasting valuable company time today and I discovered some really interesting things:

• Lisa Bonet is pregnant( plus she has a 12 yr old son from a yoga instructor named Brian something or other)
• Jill Scott is divorced...dang!! He Loves Me is one of my favorite all time " Love is Forever" song. How can a woman with that smile and that voice get divorced. I weep for the institute of marriage!!
• Usher is having a baby with his husband-wife. That woman looks like a dude!!! Yuck!!
• Fuchsia is the new black
• It is possible to be a single parent with a stable financial outlook. (Note to self: Get a second job!!)
• I really, really , really, really want and plan I am going to buy me a Mercedes ML350 within the next 12 months.

Then I came across this burning question on someone's blog( forgot who)

ARE YOU WITH YOUR FIRST CHOICE?

Isn't that a sucky question. But, dang it 's a good one. Let's take it out of the context of just relationships. Consider your first choice in careers, cars, homes etc. Are we a society use to settling and not realizing we have rights to our first choice? Or are we robbed or have been robbed of our first choice by someone else's choices? HMMMM..

Please comment. Share your insight.

I just needed to share that with the world!!!

I am moving to Arizona...goal date is August....
Ok. I said it out loud and committed to paper..or computer to make it real.

Main Entry:
dis•en•chant•ed
Pronunciation: \-ˈchan-təd\
Function: adjective
Date: 1832
: DISAPPOINTED, DISSATISFIED

I have discovered I am disenchanted with my life. I totally love that word. It is not as gloomy as disappointed and it does not make you sound as lazy as dissatisfied. I am disenchanted.

It all stems from my burning desire to leave Colorado. Something about the same streets and landmarks all of it is just….disenchanting!! I hate the flood of memories that come with my daily drive and my usual routine. It may be also I have never lived anywhere else as long as I have lived here. Most of my life I bounced back and forth between Virginia and Ohio. I never really got the chance to be bored with either.

I have a cousin that is a nomad where she wants to go and live she does. She has been that way since she became legally. Newly engaged she has convinced her fiancé to move to New Orleans ( or back to ) with her. She wants to be part of the restoration, the re-birth. Something in me admires that.

I am not tied to Colorado in any way. My sister and brother have successfully independent lives of their own. There isn’t any matter that can’t be remedied with a quick plane ride or an extensive phone call. My mother left Colorado ions ago. No question as to why this is not on her list of retirement choices either.

I have my choice. The world is my oyster. Problem is I can’t find my pearl. I have the chance to go to Arizona with “the man “not totally against it. At times I am even all about it. But, that waivers (as my decisions often do). I considered Houston, Texas as an option. But, one of my friends attempted to move there recently and hobbled back something about the crime. Then I considered Charlotte, NC. It is a good mix of country and city for me and the girls. I would be closer to Virginia where my crazy daddy lives. Close to Atlanta where I can get in a lot of trouble then drive back home and act like it never happened. But, I am looking for more or something different.

I feel like the old Diana Ross song “ Do you know where you going to?” My answer is HELL NO!!!

I don’t know how to quite go from disenchanted back to enchanted.