I had some problems.. and no one could seem to solve them.

Right before, I turned white in the 80's(stop acting like I was the only one) I was black with a bubble gum trim.

I will never forget my very first real grown up like concert. It was Luther Vandross's Busy Body tour featuring Debarge. I remember it like it was yesterday and my curl was freshly done, extra springy with those spaces in between from the rods.

Anywoo, that night I fell in love with the soulful sounds of Eldra Debarge. He was far prettier than any man should be with beautiful black blow dried, spritz and curled hair. He was lovely. Oh his smile his smile. His 1000 watt baby tooth riding smile just melted my little 13 yr old heart. I remember thinking "I like it" must have been written by some musical genius with it's flow of poetic lyrics:

I like it.

I like it

I really, really like it.

Adore it

I'm for it

Now come let me enjoy it.

Oh, El. I became a woman that night. My love affair with El continued long past "Rhythm of the Night" and "Who's Johnny". A superstar before his time that is what Eldra was to me.

As an adult he had become the soundtrack to my own adult activities when he sang lead on Quincy Jones' Secret Garden. Who could forget his "OH..OH. we. Oh we. baby". The poor boys that fell victim to that song. OH, Anywoo..

After that I flirted with other light skinneded singers. Christopher Williams, I even had a fling with Chico Debarge. But, none of them held a candle to my Eldra. Oh my Eldra. How he Loved me in a special way.

So I was totally dismayed to find out that my sweet Eldra has come across super duper hard times and has been ARRESTED. YES, arrested.http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070830/ap_en_mu/people_el_debarge

My poor sensitive man is now in the slammer. It makes me sad. What happened to him? It seems like there are enough Debarge's to populate a small country. Please someone tell me why NONE of them could avoid the evils of drugs.

The music business must be a real bitch. It seems that weekly I am reading how some once superstar artist is all cracked out, and hooking it up on someone's main street. I just don't understand with all the crap we listen to today why these musicians who had legit talent aren't being swooped up, dusted off , sobered up and signed. Who can hold a candle to El Debarge today? He may have been girly but he could sing AND write. How in the hell does he not have money when it seems like EVERY Debarge track is the baseline for every good rap song Diddy has ever produced. Diddy alone should bail El out. Sober him up and buy him a house and a ride.

All jokes aside it makes me sad to know those with true talent are all just Eddie Cain's waiting to happen. Will we hear rumors of Chris Brown in 20 yrs being methed out and living in a box wearing old Michael Jackson jackets and pop locking on Venice Beach? We keep sending these fools to rehab that don't want to go, go , go. How about those who would gladly go for one time in the spot light.

So with a heavy heart El joins the ranks of Tevin Campbell, D'Angelo and whoever else you can think of or can't think of until they show up on a mug shot and a gossip blog.

To those in the music industry Instead of living high off their baselines and hooks. Look them up and hook them up. They are the ones that gave you your fake ass career to begin with. And, who knows you just may stop it from being you ...20 yrs from now.

Let's talk about 7-8 and 9

I have been wildly entertained by folks antics this week. I feel the need to share my insight and random (sometimes unnecessary thoughts) on what is really going on in the world.

Let's talk about this dude. Travis Henry Denver Bronco's #20. As a resident of Denver and a female I feel it is necessary that I share this story with the public. Women in Denver must be aware of his ummm"numbers" . We must avoid at all cost being added to his umm"team". Mr. Henry made nationwide news this week because simply because at the age of 28 he has managed to procreate with 9 different women resulting in 9 different children spread across 4 southern states. He is making a little team of his own. Dare I say a new league. The TFL maybe? Wow.. yea. Let that sink in for a minute. Apparently, Mr. Henry believed when God's commandment to populate the earth was personal request to him alone. And, it only fitting that this story came to light because he has failed to pay child support. Which I totally understand. Clearly, if this brother pays child support and properly supports all 9 of his offspring he would be flat broke. There is no NFL contract in the world that properly support his little football team in the making.

Let's dig deeper shall we. First, it clear Mr. Henry likes to "get around" and do so unprotected. I shudder at the thought of the possible STD cocktail he could be brewing in jock strap. The team attendant should refuse to wash his anything. Demanding he take his stuff home to be washed.

Here are my major concerns about this:

• He has not repeat offenders. He doesn't have two with one chick and three with the other. No stories of long term relationships or marriages. NOPE, nine chicks, nine kids. Brotha' is taking hitting and quitting to a whole 'nother level.
• Then I think about the ones he sexed and didn't use protection and by the grace of God did not get pregnant. I get sick at the thought of the numbers.
• How many I can't use condom excuses can you have at the age of 28. Did he tell each of them a different one. 1. I can't find one big enough 2. It broke 3. I am allergic...dang I run out after three. Maybe, that was the problem.

Then I think about the women:

• I can see 1 and 2
• I will excuse 3 maybe 4( but that is shaky)
• but 4,5 and 6 need a firm conversation. When you ask a brother especially a brotha you hooked up with that plays pro..any sport his history. Isn't one of your questions How many kids do you have? Strike that. I would hope that when you interview any candidate you are even remotely considering sharing your good with "How many kids do you have?" And, when he said 3,4,5..why didn't they say " Hell naw, we can't even hold hands and we sure as HELL can't do it without protection".
• Then there is 7,8 and 9. They just don't have no damn excuse at all. No damn excuse.

WOMEN OF DENVER. WE MUST UNITE AND REFUSE TO HELP THIS BROTHER ROUND OUT HIS TEAM..LEAGUE.. I MEAN FAMILY TO AN EVEN NUMBER OF 10. I am sure he dying to spread his seeds in the western states. But, we can show him we are smarter than that.

Seriously, this is pure non sense. I blame not only Mr. Henry but the women he procreated with. His game can't be that tight and there can't be that many women looking at getting knocked up by a pro baller like getting a winning scratch ticket. (I stand corrected apparently there are 9 that have come across Travis Henry's path alone). I am outraged and appalled. I am also embarrassed for him because he ain't got enough damn sense to be embarrassed for himself. I hope he has learned. According to news reports all 9 mommas are lawyering up and seeking support which means it could result in 9 different lawyers across several jurisdictions. To me that all equals a big = Broke sign. Enjoy your new 100,000 chain and your new 100,000 car Mr. Henry. Seems like that may be your LAST taste of luxury for minute. I bet you wish you had spent 10.00 on some condoms now.

Well, I am done. I need to and put on my TRAVIS HENRY IS MY BABY DADDY'S SHIRT.

Today I feel like this:

I GOT THE JOB...

I PUT IN MY NOTICE TODAY.

LOOK WHAT GOD CAN DO!!!!!!!!!

MEN THE NEW WOMEN

I saw this commercial the other day for one of the new shows debuting on ABC’s fall line up. In the commercial a group of men are sitting around sharing their individual relationship drama. Then one of the men lifts their glasses to make a toast and announces
“To men.. the new women”.

LOL.. Hell ya!! Men are the new women. I am glad somebody out there knows that besides me. Men are caddy, whinny, self centered, moody and complainers. Their emotions change like the spin of the wheel on Wheel Of Fortune. They always want to talk about some crap and the conversation in the end gets nowhere. What did we spend all that time yapping for if it’s just to stay in the same freaking spot we have been in.

Today Casanova Brown actually said “Lately, you have not been making me feel wanted.” When in the hell did it become my job to make a grown MAN.. I repeat MAN feel wanted?

What do I look like making sure I validate your sensitive feelings you gun toting, hard core, I’ll take a bullet to the chest any day thug. I don’t have time for that. If you are going out then take your ass out. Have good time. I am not going to call and see where you at. For what? You know where you live. What it makes you feel wanted when the others fools women are blowing up their phones asking to them to come home if you were experiencing the same? In the immortal words of CrackHead Whitney..“Hell Naw”.

A man is a man period. His job is to make me feel like a woman. PERIOD. It is not to act like you too have a PERIOD. Dude, at any given time I have THREE little girls in my house. I don’t need anymore estrogen induced emotional roller coasters. I can barely deal with my own.

I don’t want to talk about why you think I fucked up. Just fix it. Lecture me ok. I can do a lecture or two occasionally. But, fix it. I should never have to call you pick me up if I need a ride. Aren’t you the freaking man? Why are you running around with a constant male side kick? Is this your very best girlfriend? Because, I stopped kicking it like that with my inseparable fake cousin when I left HIGH SCHOOL. Now , that shit is just gay and immature.

Urrghh!! What we got into an argument and I hurt your feelings? What are you doing over there in that corner? Licking wounds? What the hell? What happened to manning up?I don’t get it. I wish I did. They don’t make them like they use to is a real understatement. I also realize that this particular problem is not age specific either.

OH. How about their level of gossiping. When I listen to Cassie talk to his boys about the other folks in the posse that aren’t there. MAN… he can far out do any gossip I thought I could conjure up. He can talk about some body dirty draws.. like they were dirty draws and kick it and drink with them that very same night. Like he never said a dang on thing.
I think he gets a hard on at the whisper of some he-say-she say shit going down. It’s not just him I have several girlfriends whose HUSBANDS are the exact same way. AND
Do you know this fool told me I had to stay pretty.. because… he is pretty. BECAUSE HE IS PRETTY…. YES BECAUSE HE IS PRETTY. My girlfriends and I can all talk about our significant others that take longer to get dressed than we do. Yea!!

I LOVE MEN. I really do for as long as I can remember. But, I miss men being men. I miss men being man enough to let me be the woman. I miss men being men enough to put me first to not let me want for anything. Because, men are to provide and protect. I miss men that make women fell wanted, who don’t share feelings and refuse to cry. I miss men who love that I am soft and I smell good not comparing if there skin is as soft as mine(damn metro sexuals). I miss men being manly all the time and the definition of being manly is not you telling me what to do and screwing other women. I am tired of men getting their definition of “being a man” from straight to video black films, rap and music videos.

Maybe, it’s a sign of the times. Maybe, it’s ALL the men being raised by single mothers, grandmothers and big sisters. It’s true a woman cannot teach a man to be a man. And that is why God didn’t not bless me with a son.

I will say it again. I LOVE MEN. I EVEN LOVE MY MAN DEARLY. But, I so dearly miss( can you miss what you have never have) or want to be treated, respected, like a man should. A real man and not the new woman.

Look What God Can Do

My rent is paid.. almost( well I wont' be evicted)

My girls made it to school with some new clothes and supplies.

My new potential job to called to verify references. (offer on the way!!)

Today was a roller coaster of emotions. But, he handled it all with grace...and mercy..

I am humbled. LOOK WHAT GOD CAN DO

Sometimes I forget.. but today he reminded me..

God is good.....all the time


Mark 11:24 (New International Version)

Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.

Thank you Lord for reminding me who you truly are.

I FOUND MY ANTHEM

Jill Scott is awesome.

Her new song is right on time. Right on time. Check out the You Tube Link.

He May Be A Child Molester But Damn Can He Inspire Greatness

I needed some inspriation in my life today. Not Godly inspiration but, I can do anything kind of inspriration. While listening to my R. Kelly collection I came across this one. Now I feel like I can do any damn thing.. I .. I believe I Can Fly...
"R. Kelly - The World's Greatest"

I am a mountain
I am a tall tree
Ohhh, I am a swift wind
Sweepin' the country
I am a river
Down in the valley
Ohhh, I am a vision
And I can see clearly
If anybody asks u who I am
Just stand up tall look 'em in the Face and say

[Chorus]
I'm that star up in the sky
I'm that mountain peak up high
I made it
I'm the worlds greatest
And I'm that little bit of hope
When my backs against the ropes
I can feel it mmm
I'm the worlds greatest

I am a giant
I am an eagle
I am a lion
Down in the jungle
I am a marchin' band
I am the people
I am a helpin' hand
And I am a hero
If anybody asks u who I am
Just stand up tall look 'em in the Face and say

[Chorus]
I'm that star up in the sky
I'm that mountain peak up high
I made it
I'm the worlds greatest
And I'm that little bit of hope
When my backs against the ropes
I can feel it
I'm the worlds greatest

[Choir sings with R Kelly]

This week's shallow post

Does dick do this to you?

Where the hell is Rohan Marley. Somebody should arrest him or at least beat his ass. I just don't understand.

WTF?!!! HOW DID THIS HAPPEN. I NEED TO KNOW..

Somebody.. Anybody..Hello.. Buehler.. Buehler...

How do you know when it's a blessing?

How do you know when something laid out before you is a blessing or a "curse" in disguise. Or is just about what you make it. In the end can it all be a blessing depending on what you do with the situation?

Early this morning Casanova Brown's job up the anti in the original offer they made him to come back home. In addition, to that they added a "we need you ASAP" just to add a little pressure to the decision making process. Hours later I had a job interview(something I had committed to prior to truly committing to the move). The interview went really well. When discussing salary the offer was more than I expected, much more. Enough to significantly change my financial outlook " like right now" as Cassie would say. Hmmmphhh.. Now what? In a matter hours by us just saying the words we can go from the poor house to the living in the manner we both knew so well. BUT, it would all have to go down here at home. So we will still have to contend with his family, my family, both of our exes, the winter weather etc. The stuff we were getting away from. All the excitement that comes with a fresh start is quickly fizzling in the wind.

So is this a blessing or curse? Is this one of those time when you say "this is bigger than money it's about the integrity of our relationship and our plans for the future" OR "we can do here what we was going to do there because it's in the end it's about US.. our family?"

Truth is I am going to take the offer. I have to cover my behind. The job market is scary and I have a kid going to college in four short years. He will probably take the job as well because truly it will only further his " living like a baller" lifestyle he likes to perpetrate.

So instead of questioning this I should just thank God for being God. Now it's up to me and him to prove what we are really about and make it work. No matter where the locale.

It's my birthday.. well it was

A week ago today it was my birthday. I turned 37 years young. Although, I still sport my youthful resilience and don’t look a day over27 I am celebrating my tip top towards 40. My birthday came and went without the usual fan fare. My mom said it was a sign of my maturity I say it was a sign of my brokenness. Tomato.. Tomatoe. However, you look at it my day passed and left me in deep thought. Grateful I survived and I do mean survived another year. Sad the year wasn’t at all the year I would have preferred it be. I promised myself that 37 would be better and different. Starting with this move that is before me.
Ok.. right now just getting to the move is daunting task but, not completely impossible. Casanova Brown has finally started to take real action not just talk after I said I found an apartment here and was ready to sign the lease (only a partial lie).

I spent some significant phone time with my therapist ..ok my eternal friend about life and how we ARE NOT living it to it’s fullest. I recently read a statement that life is too short but, when you are unhappy it’s long as HELL.. AMEN to that. So my quest for year 37.. to find my happiness. Speaking of happiness…or lack there of..

Today is.. ok was my wedding anniversary(starter marriage). 15 years ago today I looked at the future father of my children and vowed to love him forever, for better or worse, honor and obey.. you know all that crap. Yea, well that didn’t quite work out now did it? I always get reminiscent on this day. Thinking about how I really meant those words (when I said them) while knowing that getting married wasn’t one of my more brilliant ideas. Still cleaning up the mess of that decision in the form of late or non existent child support payments, baby daddy arguments and nauseated feeling I get when I see his name on the caller id calling for the kids. I see why I worry about the decision I make now. My track record hasn’t been all that great. I did break the family curse of never being married longer than 10 yrs. I was married 11. Hah!!! I often wonder how life would have been if A. I hadn’t married him at all or B. I stayed married to him. Mostly I think that when late at night I am stressing over bills, and kids and Casanova Brown.

Anyway, life must go on and it is. I am preparing right not to have a fabulous 38 birthday complete with hilarious tales of happiness and how I found it. Maybe , I will move on to celebrating the anniversary of marriage number two and thanking God that marriage number 1 didn’t last.

Humph…