HAPPINESS IS A MOVING TARGET

This morning "T.he T.oday S.how" did a piece on happiness. Basically, they had a panel of three people representing three phases of life your 20's,30's and40' s+. Each one gave an argument on the challenges and the possibilities to finding happiness.

The panel surmised that happiness is easier to find after 35 because the closer you get to 40 you just accept that some dreams aren't coming true. You come to accept the challenges that life has thrown your way and you learn the art in finding happiness in simpler things. Sounds like a trip to pleasant hills retirement home to me. One panelist went on to say that marriages are more challenged as you get older because the spark and desire is gone. You are just two old married folks but, affects happiness. In the end what I got from that is happiness is a moving target.

Jennifer Lopez is on the cover of this month's Harper Bazaar. In the article she talks about her life being private now something she learned from her current husband of three years, Marc Anthony. She also said that after two years straight of being in the tabloids she has learned to value pieces of life she can keep for herself like her pregnancy. What I read ( in between the lines) is she is happy. Jennifer is now 38.

The one thing the panel on "T.he T.oday S.how" never mentioned was peace. I believe through my own experiencing happiness comes with peace. Once you come to peace with the person in the mirror scars and all, the road that life has brought you on and the fact that you can actually choose what road you take. You find happiness.

It's hard to find happiness in your 20's you are still sorting out who you are and who you think you are. Measure that against who other people are telling you that you are. Well, that leads to a lot of angst. Not much happiness. All that youthful energy keeps you bound up and riled up. I watch Casanova Brown 10yrs my junior and sometimes I feel sad for him. Although, he has grown a lot in the last six months or so. I can see the makings of man. I also see the struggle of his youth. Still easily riled up. Still struggling with who he wants to be and the image that others have created for him that he feels obligated to live up to. Me. I don't care. You begin to stop caring at 30 by the time you hit 35 you realize that life has way to many challenges for you to add to it. By 37/38 you have been through enough that pieces of life you have survived and the moments of contentment you can experience is worth it's weight in goal. You find peace where you can because in those peaceful times you find happiness. Real happiness. Not associated with bank balances or material possessions. I think that is where Jennifer is.

I disagree with the "T.oday S.how" panelist who said as you get closer to 40 you give up on some of your dreams and you are okay with that. I believe you are able to identify which dreams are truly your own. Which ones will impact your life in the right way and those are the dreams that you pursue.

As far as being unhappy in your marriage. Well,I am not married officially. But, I can say this. I have a peace with my relationship that Casanova Brown doesn't have yet. I have let go of the school girl wishes of will he love me forever, analyzing his every actions and every word. I am ok with being honest with him about my needs and where he misses them. In addition, I don't feel like I have to apologize for the way I love someone or afraid that my love is not enough. I trust God that he will guide me in the area of the heart and the same time I pray I heed his direction when he provides them. I make no excuses for my body or my sexual desire. I don't sugarcoat how and where I want it. When trouble hits I don't brew and analyze it to death.Lately, I find myself working it out in my head and heart then letting him know where I am coming from.
I love him and us. But, can also accept that there may be a day when neither may exist.

I think all that is happiness. .. and peace. Everyday isn't happy. But, everyday I have happy moments. Really the goal is the happy moments to out weight the bad moments. Of course what made me happy today may not make me happy tomorrow. That's ok too. I don't have to make excuses for that either.

I should write "T.he T.oday S.how" and suggest the next time they do a segment on happiness they should have a panel of people who are actually experiencing it.

The Single Mother Shuffle

I sincerly try to make an effort to not allow myself to get caught up in the challenges of being a single mom. I don't allow myself to get caught up in the woes of why me or if their dad only stepped up to the plate. Overall, I am beyond grateful for all the ways that God allows my world to come together to make up for the fact that my children only have one active parent. I have even(at times) taken pride in how I seem to keep all the balls( well the most important ones) up in the air during my oh so truly skillful juggling act.

But, here lately. I seem to struggle with well all of it. Either there are more balls to keep up or they are getting heavier. The afterschool activities, orthodontist appointments, trips to the emergency room( we will talk about that later),homework and just plain living is getting a bit..
heavy. For the first time I really think since I have been a single mom I am wishing I had another parent. Let's be truthful I wish for another me.

I was talking to my mom yesterday and told her I wanted a wife. She corrected me quickly mind you and said I needed a nanny. Nope I said it right. I need a WIFE. A nanny you have to pay. A wife has to do all this ish for FREE.

The thing about being a single mother for me at least is this. Even if they can't equally carry the load that you do that is fine. But, it would be nice to occasionally have them fill in. You know a pinch hitter. Now that the divas are teens and pre-teens their social calendar is so busy. They always want to go somewhere and when there isn't somewhere they want to got. There is defintely someplace they need to go. Hair appointments, trips to the store, friends house, school games all of that. I actually fantasize about doing NADA.

I could always complain that life isnt' allowing me time for me but , that isn't even my issue. The more I think about it I am sure there are plenty of non single mom with the same grip. I have. I think it was getting up at 5 today and making a 7:3.0 ortho appt working 9 hrs.. shopping for school dance outfits after work..to find out one outfit is too big. So as soon as I sign off I will be sewing in the waist because the store only had two and the I know the other one was to small for
her..

Sorry, this wasn't the best post. I just needed to vent.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!

Happy 2008 to you!!!!!!!!!

This will be a short post because I am still feeling the effects of ringing in the New Year.

You know the old wives tale. What you were doing at the stroke of midnight is what you will be doing for the next year.
If that is true were you careful about how you chose to ring in the New Year?

So question for you:

What were you doing at the stroke of midnight? How did you welcome in 2008?