Raise Your Hand If You A Grown Woman...urghh or Man

I am 35 +plus years old and I noticed lately that a new description of myself has popped up. I have been referred to as a grown woman. See I thought all this time I was a grown woman. You know I have lived a little all the usual things that grown folks do I have done. I have check marks next to marriage/divorce, buying/selling a house,good/bad credit ..jobs in management and raising kids all that. But, I had not yet earned my label of being a true "grown woman".

I am not to upset because it seems I am in good company. My favorite cut on Ms. M.ary J. B.lige's new CD "Breakthrough" is Grown Woman by her and Ludacris. Seems Mary has just earned her new label too.

So what makes us grown. Is it actual age.. you know the number? I don't think so. Is it life and it's experiences ? Not all the time.

I can speak to what made me grown. At least I think has made me grown.

Being grown is taking responsibilities for your actions good or bad.
It's learning how to make choices on fact and emotion. Not just emotion.
It's knowing when life is too big and too hard and that God is bigger than all that.
It's learning how to get on bended knee...everyday.
Being grown is thinking about someone other than yourself and meaning it.
It's knowing loving your kids it's always spoiling your kids and there is a such a thing as tough love.
It's knowing that sometimes you have to save yourself so that there is enough "self" to share with others.
Being grown is knowing finding someone to really love you is hard and, can not be taken lightly.
It's learning to love the biblical way.
Being grown is thinking about the future not just yours but, your children' and your children's children etc.. and making the right choices accordingly.
It's knowing some things really are best left unsaid.
AND...everything is worth praying over.
Being grown means accepting life's bumps and bruises while knowing this too shall pass.. fo real.
It's knowing, understanding, loving and caring the man in the mirror and seeing not what you see but, what God's see.
It's knowing your worth and , not accepting anything less.

Now of course, there is so many more definitions of being grown.
In fact I challenge you please..

Post for me in the comments "WHAT IS YOUR DEFINITION OF BEING GROWN".

Is it possible to be "WE" before I figure out"ME" ?

We have all heard the old adage... How can I love someone else if I don't love myself"?

How true is that really?

In the last few months I have been especially observant of how reckless we all can be with someone else's heart. It seems so easy to abuse the feelings of others. I wonder if some of that
stems from the abuse we do to ourselves.

Now a days everybody and their momma is suffering from low self esteem. There are pills,
counselors and support groups that exist to help solve this problem. Low self esteem has ended
lives, caused divorces and created wars. But, in the words of the comedian Katt Williams" Self esteem is your esteem of self. " We seem to go through life wanting someone else to help us
fix it to make us feel worthy of their love and worthy of ours.

I had a talk with a friend the other day and commented during our conversation that I didn't
think she was in love with her husband. Her response was "I am trying." When I the conversation ended I continue to think about her response of I am trying. Was the problem really her trying to love him or her trying to love herself to feel she was worthy of his love?

Self esteem is so fragile. It can be shattered so easy. In some of us easier than in others. It can also be hidden behind over self confidence and anger.

The purpose of self esteem in a relationship.. well good self esteem is to show the other person who you wish to be loved and vice versa. So much so that when I don't feel all that good about myself that I can see the good parts in my partner and remember who I can be or who I was whatever the case is.

My relationship of four years has recently ended(no I am not sure for how long). But, the underlining issues was self esteem. I had to much to allow certain behaviors to continue. He didn't have enough to see himself as the incredible person I saw him as. Minues the abuse and anger.

It goes back to the beginning statement. Maybe, I can 't really love someone else if I don't love myself. Because, well I simply cannot recognize real love.

For those of you who are in a relationship and you are struggling. It feels like Usher's new song like "Moving Mountains." Stop and take some time to work on yourself. The answer could lie wit h you and your "esteem of self"