SHE BUST THE WINDOWS OUT YOUR CAR

Dear Mr. No Damn Good,

Let me start this off by saying this. That shit hurt didn't it. Watchin' her tear up your pride and joy. The sound of the bat to the metal of your car. The crunch of the shattering windshield under her foot. The giant ass dent her foot left. The pain of paying cash to replace that shit because you don't have no damn insurance. It hurt didn't it. Yet it still doesn't come close to the damage you did to me.

I feel like a bit of liar because I have been playing your "friend" during this whole ordeal. Truth is if even though I can't stand the heffa part of me wants to thank her for that complete display of foolery the other night. I never could do the "ghetto city players" with your ass. But, she of course has no problem. Isn't that what you said you liked the "excitement". How excited did your ass get when she hit your shit with that bat. Hmmm. I saw the look of excitement on your face when you had to shell out 200.00 for a new phone. Was that exciting enough. Or the pure joy you had from all your being shit packed in your car like a freaking nomad. Remember when you actually had a home. When we had a home. Shit two homes.

Yea, I listened to you pour your heart out in your little tale of "The Hood War Of The Roses". Trying to act like you are proud of your behavior. So you beat her down like a nigga. Funny weren't you just fucking her like she was your chick? The smirk on your face as you gave me the literal blow by blow. All I could think is what a dumb ass you are. You threw away four years..almost five for this non sense. I looked at you trying to find a shred of the man I thought you were when I fell in love with you. I can't figure out if you smoked and drank him away or if he was never there. I am gonna go with never there.

My favorite part was when you said this was all behind me. She was jealous of "us" the life we had together. That we still had "business" remants of our life together things in each other names and what not. She couldn't handle that you were"still in love with me". Like I couldn't handle that you couldn't stop fucking her.. I mean.. that you were in love with her. What a tangle web we weave. You know I don't believe that shit right??!!

I acted like I cared while I sat in the emergency room with you as you got your tetanus shot from her bite.What that was to freaky for you? Isn't that what you like about her that she could get down like I couldn't? She was a nigga.. right? She could drink and smoke like one..My bad guess she could fight like one too. Damn that shit ain't sexy now is it? No wonder you texted and called me every night you could begging to comeback "home". Damn it man she bit all the way through the ear. Well, that explains some it her jaws are hella strong. However, I do appreciate this: You taught me how to master the skill of faking like I gave a fuck. But, I don't. Not a damn bit.

I didn't care how she treated you. How embarrassed you were about her antics in public that got you thrown out of public places. I didn't care how much the repairs are gonna cost you and, as you were talking I realized I no longer cared even if you went back.

I want so badly to feel bad for what she did to you. To dig deep down inside and find the person that I use to be and muster up some compassion for the bullshit of a life you picked but, I can't. You killed every shed of compassion for you I ever had. No, not every shred or I wouldn't be here. See in the end I'm just not you. I have a heart. After you heal you should consider a trip to The Wizard you could use one. But, you and both know you called me because you ain't got no friends. Did she run them off too? Although, I wish no ill will to you. I can't say now that you haven't gotten a taste of karma that I'm not happy. Because, under my Xanax induced mind set. I find pure joy.

Oh, yes your pleas of how you fucked up. Made the wrong choice and it never was "all that I thought it was". See the fact that it was at all is enough. Was enough to lead you to where you are today. Was enough to look at you behind eyes of disappointment and disgust. And ask myself WTF was I doing all this time?

We were never truly meant to be..not really. I can accept that part. I can even accept that being with you in itself was my own karma coming back to me from the dirty sins of my past. But, I am amazed. Fucking amazed that you believe I care that you don't have place to lay your head. Can you go where? Home? Whose home? No, dude. That door has long closed for you . Or, that your gangsta"you know me. I'm gonna be alright" bullshit makes me think you are ..well normal. But, what amazes me the most is your sheer stupidity.

I did enjoy the simpleton explanation of how she is crazy. She has "mental issues". Hmmm.. you threw away a house, our kids, our life for sitting in the ER...your car busted up and the sheer madness of her and she is the nut. Maybe, that is where I missed it. Had I treated you like shit. Beat your ass. Threw shit at you when you came home. Cussed you out... cheated on you. You probably would have stayed. Then you would have been happy.

I hate the curse that I will probably always love you. Love the parts of us that at times were absolutely perfect even if they were a lie. I hate that forever when I hear your name my heart with flutter just a little. I hate that there will be times that I will get lost in memory that was you and I. I hate that when my daughters experience their first true broken heart( heaven forbid) when I tell them I know how it feels I will touch my heart and remember you. I hate that even now as I write this months after we broke up I tear up when my mind and heart linger a little to long over you. I hate that because of you I can't stand the name of Asian countries and for at least right now. I hate that you didn't leave me as you found me. Whole. Every morning I wake up I hope that you left me a text telling me you moved to a different state in the middle of the night. At times it seems that the entire state is just too small for the both us. I even hate that I just wasn't ghetto enough to tear your shit up myself. I hate that when you called to tell me I didn't respond with Fuck you and your precious Caddy.

But, what I hate most of all is that you got off lucky. See your windshield got shattered and although that is gonna cost you a nice chunk of change. I am still sweeping of the pieces of my shattered heart. I don't have the privilege of getting new one and acting like it never happened like you did with your windshield. Yea, I am glad she busted up your car.. just out of the sheer shallowness of it all. But, really it did little to nothing for my broken heart AND, I am sure it did little to nothing for her broken heart either.

I hope you get it together. If for no other reason..just so your ass can live. The wrong one can mess around and make you a bad Lifetime Movie. I have accepted the fact you will never change. But,I pray that I am wrong. Being a hoe and liar is just who you are. But,if somehow I am wrong. Try and do better.Live better. Be smarter. So you can have something to pass down to your beautiful children besides how to be an asshole.

....Me