Struggling To Hold On To Me

I struggle with depression and general anxiety. In the last six months it has been harder to manage. The reasons? Some of it is life in general ..some of it is the breakup with Casanvova Brown. I have done the medication and the counseling and overall I have been doing well.

The on slaught of the holidays appears to be kicking my emotional ass and, I hate it. I have become a pro at putting on a fine face for my public and, reserving my complete unraveling to my bedroom. Lately, however my unraveling moments are starting to spill out to my "sane" life. I am not sure why and, I would like to blame it all on the abscence of Casanova Brown but, there would be some lying involved in that.

This weekend I have held on to my sane thoughts with both hands. Constantly, recounting to myself the abundant blessings that God has rained down on me to counteract the negative thoughts that bombard me. Even in my sleep.

Being analytical is to someone who is depressed is like giving a gun to killer or crack to an addict. My drug of choice is defintely is a barrage of negative useless thoughts. I seem to be drowning in them.

It seems that I am having a harder time keeping my head above water. My thoughts clear and my anxiety under control. Nothing serious or fatal. I am just worried that one day my head will fall below the depression water line and stay there. I don't want to get stuck in depression. I want and need to have a real handle on life not the fake one I bring out to fool the masses.

Casanova Brown after months of praying that if he would just let go I would too. Now that he is I am silently becoming undone. It seems he was my last physical anchor. I know the whole God is my anchor but, we all need. Well, something tangible. But, the benefits of letting him go far outweigh the benefits of holding on to him. My sane minds knows that. My depressed heart five months later is trying to figure it all out. Time heals all wounds. We shall see

Right now life is about pushing uphill. The key to keep on fighting is to well keep on fighting. But, I need tips on how to funtion with this whole depression anxiety thing.

So if you have any tips holla back.