I realized that my decision making skills are truly challenged. I am indecisive. ...non-committal..wishy/washy... dare I say fickle. It frustrates me to no end I cannot or seem unable to make a decision especially a life changing decision and stick to it. I don't remember always being that way either. I wonder exactly when I lost confidence in my decision making skills which in turn has put me in a position where life happens to me and I am not controlling life.
I am sure as you read this you are saying to yourself. You just go after what you want in life. You know goal setting and all that. But, I don't
think .. I don't think I truly know what I want. Yea, the house the cars the job..I want all that (again). People tell me to listen to God and follow where he leads. Then even then I wonder is that me or God that I hear. (stop laughing) Maybe I over analyze. Maybe I over analyze my analyzing. Maybe, I just have trouble with commitment. Yea, now that one I can see that one being possibly true.
I admire my little sister when it comes to that. She can make a decision good bad or ugly and stick with it. She doesn't bog her self down with the one million and one scenarios it can play out she commits to and it and if it works great if not then that's great to. On to the next plan. I wonder if that was me at one time. I bet it was . I miss her. Have you seen her. The person I was when I could make a decision.
Now my head is swirling with decisions about leaving, staying. Where to go Arizona, Texas, Oregon, ..etc.. When to leave and what is the best way to go about it. If I stay(which is an option) where do I work now(either way I need more money and more responsibilty). Where do I move to. Which apartment what neighborhood.
Oh gawd!!!!!!!!!!!
Then after my brain explodes and oozes out my ear. I am back at square one. What do I do?
I want to be bold then I want to be safe. Truly I think I need some medicaition. Maybe, that is the first decision I need to make. Whether or not to seek professional help. Maybe it's a chemical imbalance or a biological mental disorder. See here I go.
I'm gonna stop wasting company time well really my time I only have 8 mins left on lunch.
I think
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